I read an article the other day that said, “if you drink every day you are an alcoholic.” Thank god I only drink every night
when people give me compliments I feel like a vending machine trying to accept a wrinkly dollar and it’s just really frustrating for everyone involved
i need to get a real job so i can stop crying over expensive lingerie and start crying in expensive lingerie
- mom: you can't stay in bed all day
- me: you wanna bet?